They say when you love someone you should learn to let them go. There are even songs about it. Beautiful tragedies that told that very tale. But why?

Elizabeth couldn’t help but ask herself that question. Was it because she should be happy for him? That she should be glad that he had found someone he could be with? Someone who was, for some reason, immuned to the danger he had used to push her away?

Because maybe she was doing it wrong. Loving him the wrong way. That must be the reason why it was so difficult for her to just let go.

The last time she had felt like this was when she thought Lucky had died. She thought she wasn’t mourning him the right way. She didn’t love him the right way. But there was a reason for that. Lucky hadn’t died.

But, in this case, Jason really had moved on and Elizabeth wasn’t reacting the way she should. She wasn’t happy that he was with Courtney. There was no light, no joy in seeing them together. It wasn’t supposed to be that way, was it? There was only nothing. Just an emptiness.

Seeing him with the other girl, holding Courtney, it made something inside her shatter. It broke quietly and left no outer scars but it had destroyed something just the same.

Her body had gone completely numb and all she could manage was a look of indifference. At worst, it could have been called a look of disappointment. Not because it wasn’t her in his arms, she wasn’t jealous. She had her share of jealousy to last her entire life. That was not the disappointment she felt.

She was disappointed not in what could have been, but that what had been wasn’t real. The man she believed shared a soul with her wasn’t real.

But believing in soulmates, that was silly. It was like believing in fate. Elizabeth used to believe. She had even wondered once whether fate had brought Jason to Jake’s that night so many years ago.

But he wasn’t the man she thought he was so fate had no reason to bring him into her life. He was just another illusion she was stupid enough to believe in. She built him up because he made her believe in herself. He helped her like no one else could so she had created this illusion of who he was.

And she believed it, too. Like how she believed in love. Being loved by her parents. Being loved by her sister. Being loved by a man and being loved forever. Those things were the stuff of fantasies and a place Elizabeth did not know.

The man she had seen standing in the doorway of Courtney’s loft wasn’t the Jason Morgan that existed in her memories, in her thoughts . . . in her heart. That’s all she could think about standing outside of the loft that Jason shared with his lover. Those were the only things that floated in her mind, which had been existing solely on memories for so long.

That night at the penthouse when she had left him, she had said he was someone she made up in her head, but she never really believed it until now. Not until that moment when she saw him with Courtney.

There wasn’t anything about Courtney that she ever particularly hated or much that she liked either. However, when the girl lied to her, that was a problem. Elizabeth hated liars.

But so did Jason once upon a time. That was what made Jason Morgan who he was. He was defined by believing in truth. But this Jason was with a woman who could lie about her father to a person who had tried to be her friend by covering for her. This was a stranger.

She should have seen the signs. Carly was the biggest liar Elizabeth knew and Jason was the woman’s best friend and biggest defender. Even moreso than Sonny. Elizabeth had pushed it aside as just one of those weird quirks in life, but maybe it was a clue to the man Jason Morgan truly was. The man behind the image she had created for him.

Elizabeth never thought Jason was perfect. Far from it. But that was what attracted her to him. The way he answered to no one and believed in her. Those things changed her.

But there was always something missing . . . parts of him that she didn’t see. What else could explain the shock of his lies?

Elizabeth toyed with the postcard in her hand. The edges were worn from all the times she had held it just to look at it and imagine what Jason was thinking, what he was feeling, when he had bought it in Italy. Thousands of miles away and still he thought of her.

How could that be the same person who hugged Courtney? The blonde girl had pleaded to him with that grating voice that begged to be taken care of and he just hugged her. No hesitation, he just put his arms around her like it was nothing.

The Jason that Elizabeth knew, the one she had believed in, hated the helpless victim types. He hated it when people just let things happen to them and just blame everyone else. Elizabeth didn’t think Courtney was at fault for A.J.’s sick behavior, but there was being afraid and then there was hiding.

Lies, secrets, affairs . . . two years ago, Elizabeth would have laughed if anyone tried to associate any of that to Jason. But maybe she was wrong to believe that. Like she was wrong about so many things.

Grabbing her coat off of the couch, Elizabeth put it on, wrapping the material closer to her. It suddenly felt cold. Like something that had existed inside her, something that had fueled the warmth had suddenly disappeared. Something blew out the candle.

A faith in a man she loved had dissipated in that moment of realization. It had gone away like so many things in her life.

Still . . . underneath every thought . . . before every breath . . . between every memory a spark still flickered inside of her. A small spark, but a spark nonetheless. Maybe it was a flame of remembrance like the ones lit in churches in respect of those that had passed.

She had walked away from him months ago but she had been waiting for her heart to follow. Maybe now was the time. She loved him, so it was time she let him go.

It was beautiful. The connection and the emotions they had shared. It had all been beautiful. But beauty fades with time they said. Beauty is not forever.

There were those that said love was. Love survives. It conquers all. It lasts until the end of eternity.

Then there was that saying that it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Holding the postcard close to her heart, Elizabeth sighed. She would have to see about that one.

 “I’m not Carly, I’m not Carly, I’m not . . .”

Elizabeth kept repeating it like a mantra, hoping that doing this, saying it over and over again, she might push that nagging doubt out of her mind. Ever since leaving Kelly’s, that possibility, that chance wouldn’t be avoided. The signs had all gathered and made her believe that somewhere along the way she had turned into the woman she despised.

Elizabeth had tried, really she had. After leaving her studio to return to work, Elizabeth had done her best to forget Jason like she had promised herself, but that was before he walked in that door. It was like the flood gates were open.

The hurt came rushing back and looking at him, all she could see was him holding Courtney. He thanked her for protecting his mistress and asked her to help him protect the girl who had lied to her face. So she did the only thing she could. She pushed him away and masked everything with her anger.

And he walked away. Again.

Before she knew it, she was yelling at him and he had yelled back. The insecurities and the real reasons for her pain and his came out and she didn’t have time to regret it.

He told her that she had walked away from him and she could say nothing to refute it, so she let him walk away like he let her so many months ago.

She was waiting for him to stop her after all this time but he never did and he probably never would. So that hurt turned to pure anger, anything but accepting the end and then she had only one thing in her mind . . . Courtney.

Elizabeth felt so stupid. She had been played. Again.

Elizabeth may have walked away from Jason, but that didn’t change the fact that Courtney lied to her. Elizabeth wasn’t mad at Courtney for being with Jason. Not completely. She was mad that Courtney lied to her face about it and Elizabeth couldn’t help but feel . . . betrayed.

Courtney and her were friends, not even that close, but Courtney had made it seem like more. Courtney had acted like she cared about Elizabeth and had always been there, pushing for Elizabeth to try again with Jason. Was Courtney just playing her for a fool?

After that last lie, which was totally unnecessary, Elizabeth couldn’t help but believe Courtney was nothing but a lying hypocrite. Elizabeth began to seriously doubt that Courtney ever told her the truth.

Maybe the whole time Elizabeth was alone in the penthouse, Jason was with Courtney. Maybe the whole time Elizabeth was confiding in Courtney, the blonde had been devising plans to get Jason to rescue her. It was far-fetched, but after the lie about her dad, anything was possible.

Elizabeth was so tired of being lied to. Why couldn’t Courtney just be upfront with her? Elizabeth had given her ample opportunity to say that she was with Jason, but she never did. Why not?

Elizabeth smirked. At least when Elizabeth faced Carly, she knew what to expect. Carly never hid her hatred for Elizabeth. It was people like Courtney, people like Sarah who bothered Elizabeth. The ones who hid behind the saintly facade that fooled Elizabeth until it was too late.

The statements that Courtney had said to her earlier at Kelly’s were still resonating in her mind. Like an echo of words she had said to someone else a lifetime ago.

“It’s too late . . . it’s on you . . . get over it.”

So familiar. A few winters ago, Elizabeth had said things very similar to another blonde woman who had been trespassing in her studio. Elizabeth hated that Carly had hurt Jason and yet believed she had some kind of leash on him. Elizabeth despised Carly for the way she acted thinking that she had a right to have Jason in her life. Carly had given up any chance with Jason and any right to be possessive of him when she slept with Sonny.

So maybe Courtney was right. Elizabeth had been the one to walk out on Jason so what right did she have to be angry that he was with Courtney? Elizabeth was the reason they had ended. She did something to end it, not Jason. Like Carly had.

So now the positions were switched. Elizabeth was Carly and Courtney was Elizabeth.

Elizabeth felt tears start to rise as she remembered how Jason had barged in, how he had defended Courtney and looked at Elizabeth like she was a stranger. She lashed out again and got out of there faster than she could run.

Elizabeth let out a bitter laugh. It was in this very studio that the original scene had played. Elizabeth had been standing in this exact spot and Carly had been standing a few feet in front over. The fight over Jason and how the woman who had hurt him didn’t deserve him had happened for the first time in this very studio.

“I’m not Carly,” Elizabeth repeated once more, pushing away from the table to the other side of the studio. She tried to push the memories away before she started to imagine herself in Carly’s place.

Elizabeth shook her head. The irony was remarkable. But Elizabeth wouldn’t believe it. How could she have become the kind of woman she despised? The kind that believed they owned other people? Did she really turn into Carly?

Elizabeth remembered that winter so long ago when Carly had been coming uninvited to the studio. How Carly had followed her to find out where Jason was. Kind of the way Elizabeth had followed Courtney to the loft.

But she hadn’t followed Courtney in hopes of finding Jason, Elizabeth told herself. She was following her to find out why the girl had lied to her.

But after what Ric had said, Elizabeth couldn’t deny that she had her suspicions. Somewhere inside she guessed that it was Jason that Courtney had been running to. So did that make her Carly? Chasing after another woman because of a man she had no claim on?

Did Elizabeth lose her chance with Jason? Elizabeth didn’t believe that or her feelings would have told her something. Jason and Carly never happened because Carly had slept with Sonny and that had ended any chance for her with Jason. In her situation, Elizabeth was the one who walked out, not Jason.

But then there was Zander . . .

Elizabeth had slept with Zander knowing that there was something that could have happened with her and Jason. Just as Carly and Jason were just beginning to start something themselves. Did this make her Carly?

No, because she didn’t sleep with Zander for revenge and more importantly, Zander wasn’t Jason’s best friend. Come to think of it, which was worse? Betraying Jason with his best friend or betraying him with his enemy?

Elizabeth didn’t know, but she really didn’t know if what she did could be considered betrayal. She had hurt Jason, she knew that, but she didn’t intentionally sleep with Zander. It was a mistake, a result of being in the moment without thinking.

Elizabeth decided that, no, she wasn’t Carly because she slept with Zander. It was irrelevant anyway. Zander wasn’t the reason Jason and her ended and that did not make her Carly.

No, Elizabeth had become Carly because she laid claim to Jason when she had no right. That was what Courtney had meant, wasn’t it? And that was what began this whole mantra.

“I’m not Carly,” Elizabeth insisted, sitting onto her couch. “I’m not.”

How did she explain the slap? Elizabeth had lost it in the heat of the moment. The anger, the feelings of being duped, the way Courtney insinuated that Elizabeth was being overpossessive, it all snow-balled and Elizabeth just wanted to wipe that smug look off of the girl’s face.

Was it because Elizabeth’s anger over her mistake was misplaced and directed at Courtney? What was that phrase? Don’t shoot the messenger? Elizabeth shrugged. Carly had taken out her mistake on Elizabeth just like Elizabeth had done to Courtney. Only, Carly yelled . . . Elizabeth hit the girl.

Elizabeth shook her head. Maybe it was about Jason somehow, but that wasn’t all.

Mostly it was because this girl who Elizabeth had felt protective of and who she thought was a friend didn’t feel an ounce of guilt for lying to her. That was what sparked the slap. Courtney felt nothing.

Elizabeth looked at the mirror across from her and the reflection that shined back at her made her take a deep breath. Maybe Elizabeth had overreacted. Maybe she hadn’t expressed her anger the right way. Maybe she was even wrong and Courtney hadn’t been trying to make her out as a fool.

But one thing Elizabeth now knew for sure. Elizabeth stood up and looked at her reflection. Brushing a lock of hair behind her ear, she nodded. She whispered to the reflection, “I’m not Carly.”

Elizabeth stood outside the door, frozen in place. Why had she come? Why did she go to Courtney and Jason’s secret hiding place?

She didn’t really know. After talking herself down from her Carly fears, she felt like she was finally ready to move on, but somehow when she was leaving her studio her feet had led her to the loft.

But maybe it was meant to be. If she hadn’t been standing there, she may never have heard what he had said. And the truth may have never hit her so hard.

“Did you love her?”

“No.”

Elizabeth leaned against the wall, trying to gain some stability in her legs. She walked slowly to the other end of the hallway but couldn’t go any farther. She just slipped to her knees.

She had told him to go to hell, but the reverse had happened. She couldn’t get herself to cry. Crying relieved the edge of the pain and she couldn’t get herself to do it.

She told herself she needed to hear it. She told herself that this was good because she could finally move on, but everything inside her just burned.

The last few years had all mattered to her and maybe it did to him, but not as much. He never said the words but she had hope that he felt the way she did. But now she knew better.

Suddenly she heard voices down the hallway and she hid in the shadows. She didn’t want to see him, face him, even look at him.

But the footsteps drew nearer and she was too weak to hide. As he came closer, she looked up and stared into his eyes.

Jason was surprised to find her sitting there, but he had been surprised by a lot in the past few hours.

“Elizabeth?”

Elizabeth looked up and nodded. “Don’t let me keep you from wherever you’re going.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I’m not here to attack Courtney if that’s what you’re worried about,” Elizabeth whispered.

Jason kept himself from walking closer. Her face was hidden by the shadows and he was unsure of her tone of voice.

Elizabeth stared at him, bewildered that he didn’t leave. “It’s okay, Jason. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll leave first.”

As Elizabeth stood up and walked away, Jason just stared after her. What could he say?

Elizabeth felt a sad smile creep to her lips. This situation was so familiar for her. She was walking away and he was saying nothing. But this would be the last time.

Elizabeth turned to face him. “Before I go, I wanted to say thank you.”

Jason’s eyes widened in curiosity. “Thank me for what?” He was afraid to hear her answer.

“I heard you talking to Courtney. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but something kept me from walking away,” Elizabeth said. She laughed bitterly, “Not that you would understand that.”

Jason flinched at her implication.

“I just wanted to thank you for what you said,” Elizabeth explained. “I needed to hear that.”

“What did you hear?” Jason said, a fear evident in his voice.

Elizabeth smiled up at him. “You know what I heard, Jason. You don’t have to pretend with me.”

Jason’s heart ached, seeing her smiling to mask her pain. He had hurt her. Again.

“I was so afraid that night when I walked out of your penthouse. I was afraid that my reasons for leaving were justified. I was afraid that I had really made you up in my head,” Elizabeth confessed.

“What changed?” Jason asked, drawn in by her words.

“You told her you didn’t love me,” Elizabeth grinned, a sadness in her face.

Jason felt his heart being stretched in two directions, not quite breaking but not quite together either.

“The Jason I knew for these last few years, he was someone who could be honest with me. He trusted me and he believed in me. That part of my life, the times I spent with you, I will treasure those forever. And I owe you because I lost faith in them until I heard what you said to Courtney,” Elizabeth continued.

Jason didn’t understand. How could his words have done anything but hurt her?

“I don’t really know when it happened, but something changed between us and I couldn’t look at you as just a friend anymore. I couldn’t lie to myself anymore than I could lie to you. I knew that I had fallen in love with you,” Elizabeth said.

Her admission left him speechless. She loved him?

“I made mistakes, plenty of them, but knowing that you never loved me . . . it’s a good thing,” Elizabeth told him.

Jason didn’t move. He didn’t speak. What could he say when he had no idea what she meant?

“Because then I know that when I chose Lucky over you, it didn’t hurt as much for you as it did for me. When I slept with Zander and you turned me away, it didn’t make your heart shatter like it did for me. Because how much pain would it cause someone who only cared about me? Someone who could do without me in their life?” Elizabeth said. Her heart had been so riddled with pain and regret and guilt because of her mistakes, but knowing he never really cared, it relieved the hurt a little bit.

Jason couldn’t find the right words to tell her that she was wrong. He didn’t know what he could say without causing another misunderstanding for them.

“You never said the words and now I know why. I never said the words because I didn’t think I’d ever have to. Sometimes I thought I didn’t deserve to and other times I thought you just knew. Isn’t that what you kept telling me? That I should have known how you felt about me?” Elizabeth asked him.

Jason shook his head. She couldn’t be more wrong. But she didn’t see his gesture. She had her eyes on some spot on the wall behind him, trying to be brave.

Elizabeth let out a small laugh. “There are no words for what you feel for me . . . maybe because there’s nothing to feel. You care about me, Jason, I know that. I’ll always be glad for that, but I never knew how much or how little. Now I do.”

“Elizabeth---“

“No, you don’t have to explain, Jason. This is what we’re about, isn’t it? Misunderstandings and miscommunication. But now I get it. I loved you, Jason. Damned if I don’t still, but knowing this, it helps me. I can move on.”

“But, Elizabeth---“

Elizabeth interrupted, “It doesn’t hurt so much anymore. Knowing that you’re with her doesn’t hurt. I thought you were with her because I had done something so that our love wasn’t enough. I thought I had made this huge mistake like Carly had done to you so many years ago. But knowing that you’re with her and it has nothing to do with me, that helps. Because you loved Carly and she betrayed you. What I did, it was nothing. You didn’t love me. I can’t destroy something that never existed, right?”

Jason felt his chest tighten and the pleading look in her eyes destroyed his last chance of resolve. “You don’t understand, Elizabeth. I didn’t mean---“

“No, please. Don’t pity me. God, you never pretended with me before, so don’t start now. But I just needed to tell you that. Everything we had, it wasn’t just my imagination because you are the man I believed in. You restored my faith in the memories I have of you. I believed you were a man who fought for those he loved. And now I can believe it again. Because you do, Jason. You just never loved me,” Elizabeth admitted. It took the last ounce of her courage to look him in the eye and tell him the truth, but she had to. If she had any chance of surviving this mess, she had to face it head on.

“No, Elizabeth, that’s not the way it is,” Jason pleaded with her.

Elizabeth smiled brightly. “Jason, you promised you’d try with me and I believed you would because I thought you loved me. And when you didn’t, I felt like everything I had thought about you was a lie. But now I know. You didn’t fight for us because you didn’t feel what I felt. Not because you were a lie, not because I made you up in my head. That’s why it hurt so much, Jason, but now I know the truth and it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Jason started to reach out to her, but her voice stopped him.

“I would have been destroyed. I thought you loved me and I had done something that made you go to Courtney. But I’m so glad that’s not what happened. If you slept with her while you were in love with me, I don’t know how I could have made it past that. But this, I can. I’ve done it before. Lucky slept with Sarah and I thought it would kill me, but it didn’t. And so I can get over this too. Because you and Lucky didn’t love me and that makes it easier to accept the truth,” Elizabeth said.

Jason didn’t try and say anything. He had hurt her enough and her words stopped him. There was nothing he could do to change what happened and he couldn’t say anything that wouldn’t make her hurt even worse.

“You’re the friend who always cared, always listened, always told me the truth. I’m glad I wasn’t wrong,” Elizabeth smiled.

Jason closed his eyes, trying to hold back whatever pulled at him to say more.

Elizabeth stepped out of the shadows with a smile on her face. “So thank you, Jason. Thank you for not loving me.”

And she walked away, head held high and that brave smile on her lips.

It had been weeks since Elizabeth had left that loft and she had done pretty well in her attempt to move on. She had started going out again, painting again, and finding a life again.

This would be her future, a life without Jason Morgan, so she had to deal with it. She had managed to distract herself to a point where that wasn’t such a bleak option anymore.

She even started to date, which was pretty new. The only person she ever dated was Lucky. Zander and her had skipped the dating rituals and Jason and her never really had their chance to date. Her only attempt at Vista Point had ended bittersweetly, but it wasn’t a real date to begin with.

She enjoyed Ric’s company. He was funny, easy to talk to, polite and he made her smile. It felt good to smile again. It felt good to have a man take her out and show her a good time. She wasn’t looking for a relationship with Ric, but he made her feel good. She felt like the weight of the world wasn’t on her shoulders and she could be carefree. There were even moments when her heart wasn’t so sad. For that reason, when he asked her out after their first date she said “yes”.

Tonight would be her third “date” with Ric. She would take things slowly. Her rebound relationship with Zander taught her not to take things too seriously or be in a situation where she was with Ric out of some kind of obligation. Ric put no pressure on her and she liked that. They just went out and had fun, no strings attached.

The only bad thing about Ric was that he was working to defend Jason in the Alcazar murder trial. Elizabeth listened when Ric complained about Jason’s stubborn behavior, she even offered advice, but mostly she tried to forget that part of Ric’s life. She needed to forget Jason.

Ric respected her opinion and there was a comfort there between them. She didn’t divulge much of her personal life to him but she could talk about her art and he would listen. She did the same for him when he was having problems with a possible argument he could make in court. Elizabeth told herself that her attention was because of Ric’s charm but deep down she cared whether Jason was going to jail or not.

By the end of their second date, Ric had started to pick up on the nerve that Jason’s name tended to hit and he stopped mentioning the other man. So things got easier the rest of that night. They danced at Luke’s and had a pleasant dinner at the PC Grille. Elizabeth liked the way Ric treated her and the way he made her feel appreciated. He wasn’t so bad on the eyes, either.

Elizabeth wiped the counter and threw the towel into the sink. She was finally done for the night.

“Penny, I’m going to clock out,” Elizabeth said to the other waitress.

“Have fun,” Penny smiled at her.

Elizabeth smiled in return. The most genuine smile she had felt in a long time.

Just then, the door to Kelly’s opened and Courtney walked through the door. “Sorry I’m late,” Courtney said to no one in particular.

Elizabeth’s anger towards Courtney still remained. The girl had lied to her and there was no going back on that. Elizabeth was moving on from Jason, but that didn’t change how she felt about Courtney. Elizabeth ignored the girl.

“Courtney, you forgot your scarf,” a male voice said as the door to Kelly’s opened again.

Elizabeth heard him, but her reaction surprised her. She recognized the voice, but the usual feeling she had when she heard it didn’t wash over her, at least not completely. “Well, that’s progress,” she thought.

“Thanks, Jason,” Courtney smiled in response as she took the knitted scarf.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. She couldn’t believe this girl was the one for Jason. But whatever made him happy . . .

“Listen, I won’t be home tonight because of the trial and I have to talk to Brenda about it,” Jason explained to Courtney. “It’s going to take a long time, especially since Brenda’s being so stubborn.”

Courtney smiled. “It’s okay. I have Rosie to keep me company.”

Jason reached out and held the girl’s face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to come back tomorrow night as soon as I can.”

“That would be great,” Courtney grinned.

“Can you get table 9, Courtney?” Penny asked, slightly annoyed that the blonde girl was wasting time with her boyfriend after showing up late.

Elizabeth smiled. Penny was a nice girl and normally patient but even Penny couldn’t ignore the couple’s blatant display of affection.

“Okay,” Courtney said, her voice showing her hesitation. “Good luck tomorrow,” Courtney whispered to Jason.

Jason nodded and turned to leave. That was when he saw Elizabeth. His breath caught in his throat. Had she just seen all that?

Elizabeth caught his glance, but she turned away, grabbing her coat from the rack. Funny. She didn’t feel the need to talk to him at all.

Jason gave her one last look before walking out the door.

Elizabeth watched him go with bewilderment in his eyes. There was something in the look he gave her that she couldn’t quite place. “But Jason’s not my business,” Elizabeth scolded herself. “Not anymore.”

“Elizabeth,” a male voice greeted as the door opened again.

“Ric,” Elizabeth smiled. “Are you ready to go?”

“I have a few papers to grab from my room, but I’ll be back,” Ric said, planting a kiss on her cheek.

Elizabeth noticed a head of blonde hair turn in their direction. “Okay, I’ll wait right here.”

Courtney started to walk towards Elizabeth. “I guess you moved on pretty fast, Elizabeth. I mean, for someone so hurt over Jason, you sure recover quickly.”

Elizabeth smiled at Courtney, completely unaffected by the girl’s words. “I’m sorry. I must have missed the memo where my business became yours.”

Courtney raised an eyebrow. “Well, you slapped me because you think I stole Jason from you, but yet here you are going out with Ric, for what, the fifth time this week?”

Elizabeth laughed. “Are you spying on me? And, correction, I didn’t slap you because of Jason. I did it because you lied to me and pretended to be my friend.”

“Give me a break. You were so jealous and you couldn’t accept that you pushed him right into my arms,” Courtney replied.

“If that helps you sleep at night, then be my guest. Believe what you want, Courtney, but I’m not the one hiding my relationship so that a married man won’t get in trouble,” Elizabeth answered.

“Don’t act all superior. You wish it were you. You said so yourself. You wish he had found you a secret loft,” Courtney threw back at her.

“That was before I came to my senses. The only hideaway Jason and I ever needed was my studio and the only reason it was a hiding place was because Jason was in danger of being found by the men who shot him,” Elizabeth said. “Not because we were having a secret love affair.”

“He got shot?” Courtney said, momentarily interrupted in her tirade against Elizabeth.

Elizabeth tilted her head in amusement. “Don’t sound so shocked Courtney. People might start to question that you’re Sonny’s real sister. I mean, after all, being Sonny’s sister seems to mean you can handle Jason’s dangerous lifestyle.”

Courtney smirked at the shorter brunette. “Jealous much? You’re just mad that Jason chose me instead of you.”

Elizabeth smiled again. “He never chose me, Courtney. He never loved me,” Elizabeth said.

Courtney’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“Don’t act so amazed. He told you himself he didn’t love me,” Elizabeth replied.

“You were following us again. That’s really pathetic, Elizabeth,” Courtney said.

“Maybe it was, but I don’t regret doing it. Because now I see what kind of person you are and the kind of person Jason is, loud and clear. And I moved on,” Elizabeth said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me . . .”

Courtney grabbed her by the arm. “Don’t you ever come near that loft again.”

“Or you’ll what? Run to Jason and tell him that I’m stalking you, like how you told him I called you a slut?” Elizabeth said. “Here’s a word of advice. Jason hates liars.”

Elizabeth pulled her arm away and walked out of Kelly’s leaving Courtney to stare angrily after her.

Elizabeth couldn’t stand Courtney. The stupidity that kept coming out of that girl’s mouth amazed Elizabeth. But it changed something for her, too. The man Elizabeth loved would never be with someone like Courtney. The Jason she knew had changed and Elizabeth needed to accept that. She wouldn’t cling to the past like she had with Lucky. Elizabeth would never make the same mistake twice.

“Elizabeth,” Ric’s voice called out. “Are you ready?”

Elizabeth smiled, feeling an inner peace settle inside her. “Sure. Where are we going?”

Ric hesitated, a look taking over his facial features that bespoke of embarrassment. “Actually, if you don’t mind, Carly invited me to dinner with her and Sonny at Club 101. I know you don’t like Carly, but I thought since you and Sonny are friends and everything it might be okay. If you don’t want to, just say so.”

Elizabeth grinned at Ric’s rambling. He thought of how she felt and that kind of consideration made her happy. “No, I’m okay. I’ll go wherever you want to go tonight.”

“Are you sure?” Ric asked.

Elizabeth nodded. “Positive.”

With that, Ric took Elizabeth’s hand and took her to his car. He was relieved that she was okay with all this, but he wondered if he should have mentioned one other small detail.

“Jason!” Carly smiled, as her friend walked through the doors of the club. “I’m so glad you came.”

Jason glared at his friend. “I’m only here because Sonny needs to talk to me about the case.”

“And about Brenda, right?” Carly sneered.

Jason rolled his eyes. “Not this again, Carly. I don’t have the energy to calm you down tonight.”

Carly looked at him. “What’s got you all wound up? Is it Courtney?”

Jason didn’t respond. No it wasn’t about Courtney, but it wasn’t something that Carly needed to know about. “Carly, remember that talk about you staying out of my business?”

Carly snorted. “Yeah, but you didn’t really mean that.”

Jason sighed. “Yes, I did. So butt out.”

“Fine, but when Ric gets here, you better not be giving him this kind of attitude,” Carly warned. “He’s your lawyer whether you like it or not.”

“Not,” Jason responded.

“Okay, fine, you can hate it all you want, but I don’t want you to end up in jail or worse because you’re too stubborn to ask for help,” Carly said, worry in her voice.

“I don’t need his help,” Jason said curtly.

“That’s what I’m talking about, Jason. If you’re not going to do this for yourself, then do it for me. How can you stop me from tearing out Brenda’s hair by the roots if you’re stuck in jail?” Carly said, humor in her tone.

“Brenda will be in jail too,” Jason said simply.

“Not if Scott Baldwin has anything to do about it. He just wants you and Sonny. He doesn’t care about Brenda,” Carly explained.

“That might be true, but---“

Jason never finished his statement. He seemed stopped by something behind her. After a few moments, Carly looked at her friend curiously. “Jason? But what?”

Jason didn’t respond. His eyes were focused on something behind his nosy blonde friend.

Carly turned to see what had made Jason speechless and rolled her eyes when she saw it.

At the top of the steps into Club 101 stood Ric Lansing smiling down at a young brunette clinging to his arm.

“Elizabeth Webber,” Carly muttered. “I should have known.”

“Hello, Carly,” Ric greeted as he approached the two friends. “I hope you don’t mind. I brought a date.”

Elizabeth looked warily at Jason. She was going to kill Ric. How could he not tell her that Jason was going to be here?

“I thought you had better taste, Ric,” Carly said, taking a shot at Elizabeth.

“Nice to see you too, Carly,” Elizabeth smiled, ignoring the older woman’s comments.

“I have those supplier lists for the new club,” Ric said to Carly, trying to break the tension. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

Carly hesitated. She didn’t know if she should go with Ric and leave Jason alone with Elizabeth. But she couldn’t figure out a good enough excuse to stay on such short notice, either.

Elizabeth watched as Ric and Carly walked away. She started to walk towards the bar, not wanting to be alone with Jason.

“Elizabeth, wait,” Jason said.

Elizabeth took a deep breath and turned to him. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry about what happened earlier at Kelly’s,” Jason explained.

“Why?” Elizabeth asked.

“Well, because of Courtney. I just didn’t see you standing there,” Jason said.

“Don’t bother feeling sorry. You weren’t sorry you lied to me, so why be sorry for this?” Elizabeth asked.

There was no viciousness in her voice. She was simply stating her opinion. And it hurt to hear that. Her indifference made him hurt. “Why didn’t you say something?” Jason asked.

Elizabeth looked at him in shock. Did he really expect her to warn him every time she was in a room? “I didn’t want to interrupt you as you explained to Courtney where you were going tonight.”

Jason was left speechless. He had done something else to hurt her.

“I know how badly I wanted to hear something from you, anything to let me know you were okay those nights I spent at the penthouse alone,” Elizabeth explained, a tight emotion in her voice. “But I understand it already, Jason. You can find her a secret loft and you can tell her where you’re going. You can lie about her to Sonny and you can be with her even though your life is still dangerous. I get it.”

Elizabeth started to move towards the bar again and Jason called after her. “What are you doing, Elizabeth?” Jason asked. He was genuinely confused by her reactions to his actions and it frustrated him.

Elizabeth turned to him. “Doing what we do best.”

“And that is?” Jason asked.

Elizabeth sighed. “Asking no questions, making no explanations. I’m just walking away.”

 “I’m not going to let you do that, Elizabeth,” Jason said, to Elizabeth’s surprise.

Elizabeth couldn’t help it. She had to know why. So she turned to face him.

He swallowed slowly. Seeing her face the way it was, looking at him so differently than she ever had before, a truth came to him. “I lied,” he whispered. He said it like he had just realized it.

Elizabeth didn’t know what to say. “I know,” Elizabeth said.

“You do?” Jason asked.

“It’s a little too late for you to admit to hiding the truth about Sonny’s death, isn’t it?” Elizabeth commented.

Jason shook his head. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

Realizing what he did mean, Elizabeth nodded. “It’s okay. You don’t have to feel sorry about lying to me about Courtney. I see now, that you didn’t really. You just didn’t feel inclined to tell me. I walked out on you, Jason, and to you, that means it’s the end. For me . . .”

“For you, what Elizabeth?” Jason asked, clinging onto the hope of her words.

“It doesn’t matter,” she replied.

Jason felt the chill of his words being thrown back at him. He shook his head again. “Either way, that’s not what I meant. That’s not what I am admitting to lying about.”

Elizabeth was as confused as ever and she was tired of this back-and-forth. She was moving on and talking to Jason wasn’t helping her do that. She was frustrated at him and angry about his lies, but she was moving on. Why wasn’t he letting her?

“Elizabeth, I lied and I’m sorry,” Jason said.

“Don’t be sorry, Jason,” Elizabeth said, the anger in her tone surprising even herself. “Things are okay between us now. Don’t apologize because you never did before. Don’t explain because you never did when it mattered.”

Jason felt the pain in her words and he knew he was wrong. He had made so many mistakes with her. He just didn’t know it would hurt this badly.

Elizabeth looked at him square in the eyes. “I’m always your friend, Jason, just like you’re always mine. And it’s getting easier for me. I’m starting to realize that although my friend Jason Morgan is real, the man I love isn’t.”

Those words shot straight through his heart. “What?” he said, shakily.

Elizabeth shrugged. “So don’t feel guilty. I’m starting to get over you finally.”

“What changed?” Jason asked.

“You,” Elizabeth said. “Maybe I loved you, the real you, once upon a time. But you changed, Jason and I’m starting to get that.”

If Jason could choose the first words that could truly kill something inside of him, Elizabeth came damn close.

It was hard for her to admit, but it was the truth. The emotion in her voice was starting to betray her and she had to finish what she had to say and fast. “So, Jason, let’s pretend that I’ve moved on and I’ll keep reminding myself to see the truth and this will all be over.”

In a gut reaction, Jason grabbed Elizabeth’s arm and clung to her in desperation. “No, Elizabeth, we’ll never be over.”

Elizabeth stared at Jason in complete and utter shock. What was he doing?

“I lied when I told Courtney I didn’t love you,” Jason said.

Elizabeth was breathless at his confession. She whispered, “But you can’t lie, Jason. You don’t.”

“Lying, not realizing the truth, being too stupid to understand, call it whatever you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that I do love you,” Jason said quickly.

Elizabeth felt tears rush to her eyes. The anger filled her up and she shoved him backwards. “Don’t you tell me you love me now!”

The gasp of the crowd at the club reminded the both of them that they weren’t alone.

Jason reached for Elizabeth, wanting to protect her from the stares of the people around them.

Elizabeth stepped backward. “Don’t touch me. Stay the hell away from me,” she whispered.

Before he could do anything, Elizabeth had run out the door. This time, he didn’t let her go. He ran after her into the night.

Elizabeth kept running, not knowing where she was going, not knowing why she was so angry, and not really knowing what she could do now that she knew the truth. Why was he doing this to her? Why was he pulling her back in right when she started to move on?

When Elizabeth stopped, she found herself gasping for air at some strange docks on the bad side of town. “How stupid are you, Elizabeth? First you fall in love with a man who can’t seem to make up his own mind and now you ran yourself right into danger on a night where no one is around if you start to scream,” she said to herself.

“Elizabeth!” a voice called from behind her.

He had followed her? Elizabeth thought to herself. “I’m down here,” she managed to say after the shock of his actions started to wear off. She was angry, but there was a sense of safety she felt when Jason was around. At this time of night she didn’t want to be alone, she rationalized.

Jason ran down the steps towards her, hoping that her lack of rejection meant that she would hear him out. “I know you’re angry right now, but I’m begging you to let me explain.”

“Begging me?” Elizabeth asked, turning around. “All I ever wanted was for you to explain. Explain where you went at night, explain why I had to be left alone to worry, explain why you said you’d try but you didn’t.”

Jason felt the hot tears that filled his eyes. “I know I hurt you. I really have no right to tell you this now . . .”

“That’s the problem Jason. You always decide for me whether what you’re going to do is going to hurt me or not. STOP. Just tell me what you feel without the second-guessing and the need to protect me,” Elizabeth said to him.

“I just wanted you to do what you felt was right. That’s why I never said anything,” Jason explained.

“How can I know what is right if I don’t have all the facts, Jason? You can’t decide what I can or can not know. If you do that, that’s the same as lying to me,” Elizabeth replied.

“But you hate me for telling you that I love you,” Jason said.

“I do. But only because you told me you didn’t before,” Elizabeth said. “You let me believe that was the truth so I could move on. You did that to protect me, didn’t you?”

Jason nodded. “You said it would destroy you if I was with Courtney while loving you.”

“I say a lot of things to rationalize away the pain. Hearing you tell her that hurt like hell, but I had to survive. That’s the way I am Jason. I fight back. I hate being weak and I hate feeling hurt,” Elizabeth said.

“I know,” Jason said in return.

“Then why did you tell her that you didn’t?” Elizabeth asked.

“Because I believed it at the time,” Jason explained.

Elizabeth didn’t understand.

“I loved Robin and what I had with her was the only thing I could identify with the word love. What I feel for you is nothing like that. So I told Courtney I didn’t love you. Robin taught me things and showed me how the world worked. She was my first love and Robin will always be in my heart, but what we had ended. You didn’t find me as a blank slate the way Robin had. You showed me things, your dreams and your faith and your strength, things that you didn’t teach or explain to me. I just understood because you showed them to me,” Jason said.

Elizabeth felt tears rolls down her cheek, giving into the emotions that were washing over her with his words. “But you loved someone after Robin.”

Jason tilted his head. “I had told Carly once that I loved her and that’s still true, but as my friend. I couldn’t trust Carly with my heart. Sonny can, but I can’t be with someone who can do something to hurt me the way she had.”

“But I hurt you, too. I chose Lucky, I slept with Zander,” Elizabeth said.

“But you never did those things to hurt me,” Jason said. “You loved Lucky, and I know that. I couldn’t have let you go if I didn’t think that you were right in your choice. And Zander . . . I said I was over that and I meant it. We didn’t choose to be together so I couldn’t really hold what you did against you. You didn’t do it to hurt me.”

“You knew you loved Carly,” Elizabeth said. “You understood what love was.”

Jason shook his head. “No, I didn’t. I am still learning, Elizabeth, but what I feel for you is love if love means that you have my heart. I loved you for being my friend once, but we changed and what we were to each other changed. What I feel for you now wasn’t like what I felt for Robin or Carly, but I know it is love,” Jason said to her.

“How did you know? What changed from the moment you told Courtney you didn’t love me to the moment you believed you did?” Elizabeth asked, her heart begging to believe his words.

“Because when you looked at me tonight, you didn’t look at me like you had before. You didn’t look at me like someone you loved and that pain was what made me realize what love was. It was seeing someone and knowing that you can’t be without that person. It is the hurt when that person can’t look at you with the trust, the understanding and the hope that they always believed you had. It is the missing piece when the woman who shared things with you is no longer there. When her dreams and her love is gone, you have nothing. Knowing that, realizing that, this showed me that what I felt for you is love but only if you want to put a word for it,” Jason explained. “When I told you that there were no words for what I feel for you it was because there wasn’t. None that I understood or knew.”

“So it’s like that saying, you didn’t know what you had until it was gone?” Elizabeth said.

Jason slowly nodded.

“I don’t want you to love me because you can’t have me,” Elizabeth replied.

Jason looked at her in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“You wanted me when I was with Lucky. You wanted me when I was protective of Zander. When you had a chance to be with me, you didn’t even try. Jason, that’s not love,” Elizabeth explained.

“Elizabeth, you know me. I’m not a jealous person. I don’t have agendas for my feelings,” Jason said.

“Then why didn’t you try? When you had the chance, why didn’t you fight?” Elizabeth said, tears threatening to rush down her face.

He reached up to her face and held her cheek like it was the most precious thing he had ever touched. “Because I didn’t know. I thought you hated me for lying to you and I only had your words to understand how you felt. You said we never had a chance and I believed you. I was wrong for not being there for you, but I couldn’t face you. Facing you meant lying to you and I couldn’t do that.”

“Jason, all you had to do was call me. Tell me you were okay. Tell me that you were doing things you couldn’t tell me about. Instead I was left to believe that you were in danger, hunting down the man who shot Sonny. Grief makes people do crazy things and the way you reacted like nothing had happened scared me,” Elizabeth explained. “When you love someone, that person is the most important person in your life. I can’t be with you if I don’t even warrant an explanation.”

“Elizabeth, that’s a part of my job. There are things you can’t know,” Jason said. His heart broke knowing that his job would cost him her love.

“Why?” Elizabeth asked.

“To keep you out of danger,” Jason said as though it was obvious.

“No, I wouldn’t have been in danger if I had known Sonny was alive. You either didn’t tell me because you didn’t trust me or you didn’t because I didn’t matter enough to be told the truth,” Elizabeth said.

“I trust you, Elizabeth. I always have,” Jason said.

“In other words, your answer is B,” Elizabeth replied, turning away from him.

“I was wrong,” Jason said. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re not, you never are,” Elizabeth said. “It’s a part of your job and I should just accept it.”

“No, I really am sorry. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it,” Jason said.

“Like you wouldn’t say you didn’t love me if you didn’t mean it?” Elizabeth said, tears filling her throat.

“I meant it when I said it, Elizabeth. I believed it, but it wasn’t the truth. So call me a liar if you want, but don’t think that I don’t love you,” Jason said. “But I can’t change who I am for you.”

“And I can’t change for you either,” Elizabeth answered. “I told you I could handle not knowing where you were, who you were talking to, what you were doing. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but all I needed was the truth from you, Jason. You were the one I always trusted, and you made me out to be some kind of fool. You didn’t think there was anything wrong with that?”

Jason stepped closer to her. “There are always things I won’t understand, Elizabeth, but seeing you like this, I am starting to.”

“The mistake you made wasn’t that you didn’t tell me Sonny was alive. I felt like an idiot afterwards and unimportant to you, but now I understand you had to do that to protect him. The mistake you made was promising you’d try and then leaving me alone two seconds after that without a single explanation. Letting me walk away without a fight. That shows me, Jason, that you don’t love me,” Elizabeth said.

“Then what does this show you?” Jason asked from behind her.

Elizabeth turned around. “What?”

“That I’m standing right here, telling you that I love you and that I’m sorry for what I’ve done to hurt you. What does that show you?”

“That you still don’t know what love means,” Elizabeth answered.

“I didn’t fight for you before, Elizabeth, but I’m going to fight for you now. I don’t make the same mistake twice,” Jason said.

“Neither do I,” Elizabeth replied. “I won’t fall in love with a man who doesn’t love me enough to tell me the truth.”

“You said I changed into someone you can’t love. I’m going to prove you wrong,” Jason said.

“How?” Elizabeth asked. “You told me yourself you can’t change into someone else for me, even if it is changing back into the man you were.”

“Then I’ll show you that who I am is who you can be with,” Jason said.

“Explain to me how you intend to do that,” Elizabeth questioned again.

“You ask for too many explanations, Elizabeth Webber. Sometimes you just have to wait and see.”

With that, Jason walked away, a new determination inside of him. This time he was walking away for a different reason. For a reason not because he didn’t want to make an explanation. It was just that . . . sometimes you have to leave to come home again.